I’m afraid of of almost anything you could ever think of. There isn’t a day where my anxiety doesn’t rip through my skin aching for an escape that isn’t there. When I wake up every morning its always a shock to the system that I’ve survived yet another day, and when I lay down to search for some kind of dreamless sleep I spend too much time convincing myself not to be afraid of the darkness.
I’m afraid my word will never leave my mouth the same way it leaves my heart. I’m afraid that sounded as cheesy as one would expect. But it’s become such a natural feeling, of regretting each and every movement, every thought, and every beginning. I’m afraid of hate, love, and confusion in the many forms they’ve learned to hide. I like to think of my pounding heart as a continuing time piece that will always count the seconds I’ve managed to bear this pain.
I’m afraid of being afraid, because that means that something is wrong with me and I’ve worked so hard to fix all of my broken parts. Though I know I will never be whole. I hate fear because as long as it lives it will always come back to tear me down. Every minute that I let my tired mind sulk, I lose the ambition I gathered these past months to pick myself up again. All of this seems so selfish. And repetitive. And ridiculous. And annoying. And I’m sorry. There is nothing else i can do but apologize for the uncontrollable portion of my mind that is scared to the core.
- Trisha: Yeah, That’s what you get Ashley Katchadorian. Next time, you watch the fucking door!
- Ashley Katchadorian: Why are you guys so mean to me? *runs away crying*
- Brittany: You know she’s in charge of snacks, right?
- Trisha: Wait. What?
- Brittany: Ashley Katchadorian is in charge of snacks.
- Justin: Jenna Derabon is in charge of the door.
- Trisha: Oh my god. I made a terrible mistake.